Growing Family: Developing a Culture of Honour

     We believe God has given us a special assignment in the Kitchener area. This special assignment is serving the community wholeheartedly desiring Gods goodness and mercy to reach people through our actions. Our vision is Loving God, Serving others and growing constantly. This is our our destination and growing family is the vehicle that will bring us there. In a healthy godly family, no one gets tossed away or overlooked. When loving and living the Jesus way is our goal the adventure is exhilarating. At the same time, this adventure is also challenging. Let’s discover together what it takes to develop a culture of honour; a culture built and guided by Jesus. 

     In every church community there is a desire to exist and operate like a close-knit family. We want this because scriptures teach that family is who we are and deep down we know we are made for closeness and kindness towards one another.

1 John 1:17 says,

 “If we walk in the Light as He Himself is in the Light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin.”

Did you catch it? It’s the word “if.” We must choose to stay ‘walking in the light’ to enjoy the fellowship and closeness we are made for.

I want to point out that our lives together are intended to be eternal. Yet, our culture is so temporal, fractured, and momentary…. Covenant means forever.

Fellowship denotes commonality. When we have true fellowship, we are united at a core level. In the family of God, the blood of Jesus unites us and His blood makes us Gods forever family. Our common bond is Christ as our Saviour and elder brother in the family.

      Every family has good days and tough days. In every relationship there is conflict but a healthy perspective is that friction is meant to mature us. We are meant to grow in character and compassion when we have relational conflict. A commitment to an attitude of learning will produce an ability to empathize. But, naturally left un-checked our responses often cause more harm. This is the culture of humanity. If we ignore it and sweep it under the rug then we can’t expect God to give us the miracles in our family and city that we are asking for.

“Why not,” you might ask? Well, listen to these verses in Isaiah 35

Strengthen the weak hands,
and make firm the feeble knees.
Say to those who are fearful-hearted,
“Be strong, and do not fear!
Behold, your God will come with vengeance,
with the recompense of God;
He will come and save you.”

Then the eyes of the blind shall be opened,
and the ears of the deaf shall be unstopped.

 Then the lame shall leap like a deer,
And the tongue of the dumb sing.
For waters shall burst forth in the wilderness,
and streams in the desert.

When will the eyes of the blind will be opened and the lame restored? When we strengthen weak hands and make firm feeble knees. Simply, the culture of heaven is a culture shaped by the heart of God. The power of God will not be released except though the love of God because this is the essence of His identity. God loves those who are weak and need help (if we are honest we are as weak as anyone) while we broken humans generally don’t see it that way at all. Our custom is to teach those who are hurting a lesson or to distance ourselves from them. This must change in you and I if we want to see the Kingdom of God increase in our families and communities.

  To become a healthy family constantly growing in honour we need to be aware of these dynamics or customs that are un-healthy and make the necessary adjustments towards health. We want Jesus to shape our families, but He must be invited daily to shape us as individuals first. It isn’t easy but it’s worth it. Learning to live in the culture of heaven starts and ends with Jesus and His way above our way. The problem is our way is embedded in us as people deeply and we must become aware if we will ever see His Kingdom come in our family.

 So, let’s talk about culture and specifically developing a culture of honour among us.  

When you woke up today, did you choose to speak English (or whatever is your first language?)

When you drove in your car, did you need a reminder to obey the traffic lights?

When someone says hello to you, do you respond in kind?

This is culture. Culture affects our behaviour in the way we relate to one another and is a picture of what we value most. Culture just is what it is. We can have healthy culture, dysfunctional culture, a culture of power and control or a culture of love. We decide what we want but in order to make an informed decision, we must first look honestly at ourselves.  

To have culture, you don’t need many people. This is partly why Jesus said, “Wherever two or three gather in my name, there I am.”  He knows we only need a few to embrace His culture.  

 Here’s a little food for thought: did you know the word ‘apostle’ comes from the Greek and its literal meaning is, “to send.” It was the custom that Rome would send an armada or ships into a region or country they wanted to overtake. With the warriors there would be one ship called the ‘apostle’ ship and Rome would fill these ships with Roman artists, writers, city planners, linguists and other cultural influencers whose main role in this newly conquered land was to teach the newly conquered people Roman culture. They did this because they knew someday that the Caesar might visit and they wanted Him to feel at home.

This is why we want Kingdom culture as well. We want Jesus to feel at home with us.

This is what Jesus is talking about when He says to the Father, “Let Your Kingdom come your will be done on earth as IT IS IN HEAVEN.”

For Christians, embracing heavens culture and the way it operates is vital. It takes time to build a healthy culture that lines up with the value system of heaven. To embrace heaven’s culture, we must know Jesus’ desire to conform our customs to His customs. In heaven everyone is loved, protected and valued.  If you read through the gospels with the lens of culture, you will see how much Jesus talks about our culture becoming His culture. It’s truly incredible.

Division is so very costly to us as we grow family culture. It chops up our momentum and then works against unity in the family. We then find ourselves having to start over and over and over.  Fighting, division and worst of all complete separation in the family of God is so costly. Think for a minute about the nature of divorce. I do not want to talk about whether it is right or wrong as much as just looking honestly at what it does to the culture of the family. It separates us, fractures us relationally so that we can’t have the closeness that we want and need. This is why parents and kids dishonouring one another is so damaging because it interrupts the forward momentum of culture.

  Growing family culture will not be understood in one sitting. This is a lifelong journey to understand Heaven’s culture and it’s all about people learning to allow God to have the influence He deserves. We have this inherent issue where we love coming to church and hearing a great word from God but we have trouble loving each other. We are thankful for God’s blessing to us but have a hard time believing God wants to bless the annoying person in the third row who always sings off key. We love the kindness of God but we treat our spouses with contempt. Worship was great but we hope certain people don’t return next Sunday.

This is what the apostolic and prophetic ministry is all about. We focus on relationships, family and leadership cultures and as we do, these things become more clear. Committing to studying these things will cause you to embrace repentance as a lifestyle because you are just like me; you are not good at loving people. I am not and you are not. But God is and He wants to show us how.  

In an earthly Kingdom leaders are the top but in the Kingdom of Heaven the leaders are the foundation. Children are meant to stand on the shoulders of fathers and mothers, not cower in their shadow. (See Ephesians 2:20)

 The culture of heaven is a culture of honour.

Think of God the Trinity for a minute before they created time. The Father, Son and Holy Spirit pouring into One another in perfect preference of each other. The Father glorifies the Son; the Son steps aside so Holy Spirit can be poured out on humanity and the Holy Spirit will not speak on His own but will only speak what He hears from the Father. This is the culture of heaven. Perfect in unity and in preference always pointing out the good in the one other.

This is how the redeemed are meant to function as the body of Christ. The body needs all the parts in working order and honour is the lifeblood that creates and promotes flow. (See 1 Corinthians 12)

You see…

If you think honour is something you get…you don’t understand honour.

If you think honour is something you get… you don’t understand heaven very well.

Honour is about what we give. Remember Jesus said it is what comes out of us that defiles us. So if we are aware of the outflow of our hearts we will become increasingly healthy. ( See Mark 15:9-13)

  Sadly, we think of honour as working our way up the ladder so that we can get enough significance and power and we can get our way. Hierarchical thinking is embedded into the culture of earth. Systems of hierarchy are built because of a poverty mentality. We act this way because we are trying to fill a gap inside that can only be filled by a committed relationship with God. A poverty mentality is unable to follow the Spirit of Christ because He requires a death to self seeking and a constant birth of Christ seeking. We are fractured at a basic level believing we have so much weakness and we hid it with self-promotion. Another way to understand a poverty mentality is that our inner self operates as if it’s been orphaned. Sin has caused a deep wound in each of us. All of us have been fractured and this is what Paul is talking in Romans when he says,

 “When Adam sinned, sin entered the world. Adam’s sin brought death, so death spread to everyone, for everyone sinned.” Romans 5:12 NKJV

Geez thanks Adam! Now all of us are born with a tendency to fill up our cup instead of to pour out. We are born selfish and we need an intervention. That’s where Jesus comes in….

  According to the Scriptures, the Spirit of Christ is the Spirit of adoption and He has grafted us into the family. We belong to Him and with each other. We must practice receiving Gods redeeming love for us and grow in His personal love for us. As we do this we will forgive and love freely knowing He did the same for us. . We must embrace the Love and Truth of the Fathers love if we can operate differently. We must truly walk in His love. The Father is confident, resolute and unchanging in His goodness towards us. We must pursue growing constantly in this powerful reality.

Why do we need to know His goodness and love for us more and more? As we do we will love and honour people more and more. If we don’t make honour the goal of our life our families and communities pay the price. It doesn’t matter if you are running a coffee shop in Vancouver, running a huge business in Brazil or a large church in Toronto; if you are leading from insecurity you will not be able to cultivate a culture of honour. If the leadership of any organization is governed by insecurity you will not have a culture of honour. In that case, power is all about what I can get. How can I orchestrate life to fill my needs?

 There are lots of false synonyms for the word honour.

 1.   Niceness. People often think honour is being polite and saying please and thank you. Politeness or niceness is good, but it isn’t honour.

2.   Respect. Showing respect is honouring but unless we truly respect that person deep down, we are not showing honour.

Honour exists in the places that only you and God can see. Honour is expressed deep, deep down to the core of ourselves.

One of my favourite false synonyms of honour in church culture, especially where there is a recognized hierarchy, is submission. We act like this, “I have all the power, and you have no power. Honour me.” And we call that submission. We require submission without understanding it at all. Submission like that doesn’t belong in the Kingdom of God; it belongs in a UFC fight.  “I have all the power, you have no power. Submit to me or I will snap your knee.”

So, it becomes confusing when we pluck these synonyms out of the air because when we say these words, most of us have experiences attached to these words that don’t amount to honour at all.

  When we talk about heaven coming through, we are looking at the life of Jesus. We are not looking at the church. We must look at the Bible so we will adjust to Jesus and not the other way around. We keep reading and reading and reading with the goal of adjusting to Jesus. If we aren’t reading the word this way, then naturally we will adjust the Bible to suit us and attempt to create church culture that looks like us.

When we look at honour, we have to answer the question: Who are we supposed to honour?

Of course, the Sunday school answer is we must honour Jesus. Right? This is correct.

But…we have to understand His heart first.

  Jesus says that we “nullify the word of God for the sake of your tradition” and essentially twist the scriptures to dishonour our mothers and fathers. He says humans naturally twist His words to suit our own needs even to the detriment of our own families.

He says this in Matthew 15:4-7

We like honour when it’s us receiving it.

But according to scripture we are made to honour….

Jesus

Kings

Parents

Wives

All people

BUT THIS LAST ONE GETS ME … It says in 1 Peter 2:17 we should honour ALL PEOPLE!

Who DO WE honour in reality?

We honour those who deserve it

I will honour you because you worked hard

But the scripture says we are to honour …EVERYONE! 

Honour your wives

 “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honour to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.”

1 Peter 3:7 ESV

Not a huge deal guys, all that happens if we don’t honour our wives is God won’t listen to our prayers.

Here is my working definition of honour. Honour is giving someone preference above yourself and attending to their needs above your own.

Philippians 2:4 

Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.

Most of us approach honour as it being something that people earn. We honour those who impress us. If we are honest, we honour those who remind us of ourselves.

If Billy Graham came into the room, many of us would all go “WOW!!!! You are amazing!!! “

And we would say we are honouring him when really what we are saying is, “Billy Graham, you remind me of me, but you are doing me better than I am doing me. WOW! It’s amazing!!! Great job doing what I want to do!!!”

Let’s take this a different direction for s second. Think of someone who you didn’t vote for who has taken office. Ok, do you have the name? Now think of me saying the name out loud. What response does it cause?  Most of us will say,” Yes I honour those in authority over me.” But really deep down what we are saying is, “There is NO ME in you…. what could I honour in him/her??? That person and I have nothing in common!”

We honour those who are like us and reject and even abuse those who are not.

Sadly, what we are doing without realizing it is separating the natural from the supernatural.

Yeah, I think I should say it again. WHAT WE ARE DOING WITHOUT REALIZING IT IS SEPERATING THE NATURAL FROM THE SUPERNATURAL.

This is right up there with, “You’ve heard it said” Love your neighbour and hate your enemy but I say Love those you know would willfully harm you.”

Love your enemies and honour all people are THE SAME STANDARD in the culture of heaven.

And we say, “WOW, we have lots of work to do!”  

The problem is that we live in a new covenant context with an old convenant mindset. The old covenant was basically; if you disagree with me or break our rules then I have permission to dishonour you. People we are close to, our spouses, our children. If they break the rules I have a right to dishonour them.

In the church, the family of God, we have given ourselves permission to dishonour our kids because we know so much more than them. Elevating ourselves above them we mis-out on the beautiful unity we are meant for because pride is left to roam free.

We have given ourselves permission to dishonour our women. Holding them in bondage for two thousand years, to disempower as second class. “You’ll never be as powerful as a man,” we say with our attitudes (which It isn’t true in heaven, but we make every excuse to believe it down here!)

We give ourselves permission to dishonour those who sin, let me rephrase this, those who get caught! We treat people who get caught and give ourselves permission to dishonour them so…. NO ONE WANTS TO GET CAUGHT…. And so everyone is trapped in this hypocrisy and no one is sharing and getting healed (See James 5:16). We all live in this hypocrisy and it holds the culture of Christianity in bondage. So much bondage that the freedom to confess and be healed is stripped from the culture of the church!! That is a pretty serious people!

Dishonour is a culprit that hides itself in our character. Nobody wants to be disempowered, invalidated, dishonoured or undervalued but we do this when we don’t find what we want (which is ourselves) in the people around us.

When talking to married couples, I hear all the time, “We disagree all the time and all we do is fight! One of us is crazy and not worth listening to!! There is something very unhealthy Pastor and I’ll tell you I have figured it out! It’s him or it’s all her!!” And now we believe we have the right to treat each other as invalid because of a disagreement. I dishonour you, you don’t get to be powerful in my life anymore, and you don’t get to be valuable. I believe God can heal any pain if two parties are willing to look at the cross and see what He did to heal it.

Dishonour is also at work in every culture in earth. It is easy to see but it isn’t really easy to get rid off. It flows from our view of authority and our view of authority comes from how we view the greatest authority: God. Our God concept defines how we demonstrate love, honour, justice, and forgiveness. Is God worthy of honour; is He worthy of giving up my rights for his?

Paying the price to become vigilant in the area of honour is so very worth it! Learning to guard our hearts , to say sorry when we dishonour someone and clean up the potential mess it made and to humbly choose unity above self will reap long term benefits. Children who grow up in communities who are committed to developing a culture of honour will have more than just platitudes to stand on in their faith. These children will become adults with real life examples of Christ like love, empathy, forgiveness and compassion.

 3 simple action steps

# 1 - Read: Philippians 2:4

Serving others

Look for practical ways to serve. Instead of trying to convince people that you’re worth honouring, look for ways to honour them.

# 2 - Read: Galatians 3:16

Fellowship

Take time this week to sit down, pray and share God's word with your family at home or with your church family. When you do this, listen more than you speak eagerly desiring to build them up in Gods goodness and love.

# 3- Read: John 8 1-11

Keep your heart sweet

This week, guard your heart and keep watch of how quickly you fall into dishonouring people. Read this above story and watch Jesus guard His heart from evil choosing to honour this woman speaking life and new beginnings into her. What does He say to her? What does that mean for you? Jesus speaks perfect grace and truth into this woman's life. Walk this week keeping your heart sweet in Gods redeeming love.

Written by Pastor David Wilkinson

February 2020